The Wildebeest Cometh: Part 1

Salaam aleikum, gentle readers of Fat Girl Jihad. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am A. Dhirmal Akbar. Several years ago, I discovered the glory and truth of the teachings of Islam, and gave myself to Allah, the most merciful.

A lifetime ago, I was a regular American boy. A corn-fed, God-fearing, hard-working, stop-sign-shootin’ patriot. I loved my country, I went to Church on Sunday, and I had big plans to take over my daddy’s thresher parts and accessories shop, raise a family, and live a good Christian life.

My teachers in school told me I had a good head on my shoulders though, and they wanted me to go to college. Hot-damn! I was the first in my family to ever educate myself past high school. I still wanted to keep my promise to my daddy, and to God, to take over the thresher parts and accessories store. I enrolled in a program that would help me turn daddy’s shop into raging success – Business Administration in Washington DC, and then did an MBA in Toronto, Ontario. I was so excited, to head to these big cities where surely many beautiful and worthy potential wives would live. But alas, it was a trap!

Once I arrived in Washington, I realized something had gone horribly wrong. Everywhere I looked, the women were beastly. Great, voluminous creatures bedecked with layered rolls and cellulite; muffin tops and upper-arm jiggles; more chins than a Chinaman with a stutter; and worst of all, these women had no idea what their true proportions were.

Later, I would come to understand that they had been tricked by The Great Satan into perceiving themselves slimmer than they were. As Muslims we must abhor Satan, but we must never forget his strength and cunning! Somehow, despite:

  • Regularly getting stuck in escalators,
  • Having to use four scales, one for each limb, to weigh themselves,
  • Blood-cholesterol test results that simply read “butter,”
  • Knowing that if they ever signed up for an MMA fight, they would be competing in the same weight class as Brock Lesnar and Kimbo Slice

These physically abundant women did not know how large they were!

The Great Satan had deceived them into perceiving themselves as slim, attractive and feminine. Such wily tricks! Though they resembled walruses coated with flesh-colored cottage cheese, the women comported themselves with a haughty masculinity that would have cowed Genghis Khan.

Such a shock this was, to my young mind. The world I had believed in was a lie. My dreams had been shattered. But though it seemed a tragedy, it was truly a blessing in disguise, for this was my first step along the path towards the righteous, the glorious, the merciful Allah.

To be continued…

9 thoughts on “The Wildebeest Cometh: Part 1

  1. GREAT WEBSITE, man. I love it! ALLAHU ACKBAR!

    Can you add a link to my website also? I am a fellow jihad warrior fighting against feminism.


    Why did I create this site?
    Because most American women are worthless toilet bowl turds. They are nothing but parasites feeding off the hard work of men. Are men better than women in the USA? ABSOLUTELY. The only thing American women are good for is nagging, complaining, and spending men’s money. Most are not even worth fucking. They suck in bed and thus, have absolutely no value to the good men of the USA. We never advocate harm either physically or mentally to any person, either male or female. We believe in non-violence at all times. We simply suggest you avoid American and Western women as much as possible. Give them as little attention as possible and go your own way. You will never win with American women. The culture is now slanted against men in the USA. Men have lost much of their power and we must work at ways of recapturing it through any legal means. In the meantime, do your best to stay away from these vile monsters.

  2. Apropos of absolutely nothing at all, I was wondering where you get the pix of the muslim girls for your ad over at in mala fide?

  3. Do not forget the DC she-beasts ability to consume more pizza and beer then even the mightiest of warriors on the eve after battle! There must be demonic forces at work to allow any being, let alone a woman, consume as if she was an insatiable bottomless pit.

  4. The body is a gift from Allah that we all must treat in the best way. As written by the scholar Ali ibn Abu Bakr al-Haythami:

    On seeing a fat man, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If you did not have a paunch, it would be better for you.” He also said: “Overeating does not go with good health.”

    No more halal McNuggets for waddling wildebeests! ALLAHU AKBAR! ALLAHU AKBAR! ALLAHU AKBAR!


  6. Pingback: The Wildebeest Cometh: Part 2 | Fat Girl Jihad

  7. Pingback: The Wildebeest Cometh: Part 3 | Fat Girl Jihad

  8. Most people should aim for an LDL level below 130 mg/dL (3.4 mmol/L). If you have other risk factors for heart disease, your target LDL may be below 100 mg/dL (2.6 mmol/L). If you’re at very high risk of heart disease, you may need to aim for an LDL level below 70 mg/dL (1.8 mmol/L). In general, the lower your LDL cholesterol level is, the better. There is no evidence that really low LDL cholesterol levels are harmful. `;.’

    Kind thoughts

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