Today I declare motherfuckin’ jihad on fat American women. Here is an excerpt from our press release:
AGAINST FAT AMERICAN WOMEN OCCUPYING AMERICA
(EXPEL DISGUSTING FAT FROM THE LAND OF THE FREE)
A MESSAGE FROM MUHAMMAD V, ORIGINALLY FROM A QUIET WASHINGTON DC SUBURB TO HIS MUSLIM BRETHREN ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT GENERALLY AROUND LARGE CITIES IN THE UNITED STATES WHERE THERE ARE MANY BARS, CLUBS, AND HIPSTER COFFEE SHOPS
It’s definitely on now. This Holy War will not end until the obesity epidemic ends. My brothers will not lay down their insults until American women lose the weight, grow their hair out, and put on a god damn pair of high heels.
Fat American woman: fear God wherever you may dine on Chipotle or TGI Fridays. Our foot soldiers are aware of your weight problem and will shame you into being thin once again. God will only protect you once you get down to a normal BMI as determined by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Feel free to just stop eating completely until you get to the desired weight.
P.S. God is great