The Glory That Awaits!

Many brothers have willingly heard the call to arms and have now dedicated themselves to this most holiest of wars, but they are still men, and there are many who still remain untouched by the light of Allah, who need to be shown what it is we fight for. They must see that there is hope, because for to long now they have been blinded by rolls of cellulite and flab.

This is but a fraction of the glory that awaits us, and all men, should be succeed in purging the Fat Satan and cleansing our world! Stare deeply my friends. Remember! Remember what a REAL woman looks like! Remember that REAL women are not adorned with short hair, sweatpants, and wide bodies as you would be fooled into thinking! Remember that there is a female form other then a the corpulent masses that besiege our eyes every day.

Peace be with you.

Forgive, But Show No Mercy!

Our war is not easy my brothers, no. The Fat Satan is a crafty but cowardly devil. This demon wages war not by its own hands, by but the hands of others! It will bend the will and mind of those we might call brother and ensnare them to do its bidding!

As we wage holy war the enemy we face on the frontlines of combat will not be the she-beasts whom which we wish to topple, no, it will be men! White Knights, Manginas, and confused Herbs will all take up arms against us! They have been poisoned by Shaytan and most likely are beyond saving.

They will come at you in various ways, and for this, you must be ready my brothers. Some will try to reason with you, explaining why we should overlook the most obvious flaws of fat women. They will try to persuade you with cunningly gentle words as to why fat is “beauty” though what they’re truly doing is attempting to vindicate themselves! They have made poor choices and bedded in the mud with the sows and the slop of shame does not rinse away easily, so rather then wash themselves of their sins they attempt to persuade all that they are in-fact NOT sins. Their trickery does not alter truth in the eyes of Allah.

Others will come at you with a frothing rage. They will bark and wail and gnash their teeth at you, for they are the truly lost souls. The White Knights of Shaytan whose minds are lost for eternity. They hide not their shame, for they have none. They see no ill doings in the bedding of beast women, they’ve been broken and guiled by the Hand of Shaytan, the feminist media, into believing fat women are beautiful. They’ll even say ridiculous things like “she is to skinny” to a girl who’s figure is slim and perfect.

The last foe you will meet are the Manginas, the quivering masses upon which the tyrannical fat dynasty is built. They are numerous to a point that they are almost beyond counting, but they are weak. These are men who lack the fire, untouched by the God Allah. They know what they do is wrong, and they know that the fat women with whom they associate are swine, but they see no hope. They foolishly believe it is better to stand beside the devil, then in his way. These are the ones whom we can free. They are the young souls who will carry on this holiest of wars, if only we can touch their spirit and lift them back into the graces!

As you wage war against your brothers forgive them. Forgive them for they have been duped, coerced, and swindled into fighting for a cause that, deep down, they know is wrong. They would look upon the foul rotund spawn of the Fat Satan, and ignore the facts which they know to be true! They will regurgitate the same lies of “acceptance” that the porcine harpies screech at every turn. But know this. They were good men. So forgive them, pray for them, may they find peace with Allah, but show them no mercy! Those who would defend our enemy shall feel nothing but the points of our righteous spears!

Khuda hafiz!

A Letter From My Brother

I was at my small farm home in my village one day, tending my goats and watching my beautiful, skinny woman dance before me.  It was a glorious occasion, Allah be praised. Glorious until I received this letter from my brother, that is.

Mahboob,

Allahu Akbar.  May this letter find you in good health. I know it has not been long since I left you for America so that I could become a doctor, but I have troubling news.  It is the women here.  I first noticed something was wrong on my layover flight in New YorkOf course I grabbed a stewardess and demanded to know why a hippopotamus was being allowed air travel in the united states – as this breaks Allah’s holy law.  She informed me that this beast at which I was staring was not a hippopotamus, but was, in fact, an American woman.

I laughed bravely in her face, knowing such a thing could not be true.  I was wrong, my dearest Mahboob, I was so very wrong.  I could not believe my eyes, but I was staring at an actual American woman.  I thought, surely this was a one-off thing, they can’t all be this big.

They are all this big.

I am not sure what happened to my brother, as it has been months since I’ve heard from him.  There were jelly donut stains on the letter, and it stank of fattitude.  I have since sold my belongings, given up my goats, and packed my woman into checked luggage.  I shall go to America and fight this evil!  Provided the plane doesn’t crash from the ridiculous weight of the American women aboard it.

My First Experience In America

Years ago, praise Allah, I was but a man in a small world, working as I could to provide food and money for my wives and children. One day while out in the fields, I received a letter in the mail from my long lost friend Muhammed V, who urged me to come visit Washington D.C. and see America.

He told stories of debauchery, wild women, subway systems, men called “herbs”, and of internet that travels through the air. Before I could write my rebuke, telling him Allah does not smile upon those who lie and that he should stay away from opium, my eyes came across his final paragraph. In it, he described American women of untold size and gargantuan girth, women who ate portions such that I would never believe. He spoke in terms of “overweight” and “obese”, words that I had never heard of and had to look up.

Was this true? Was such a violation of nature and Allah’s gift of body possible? I could more easily believe that internet floats in cafes than that an average American woman is “overweight”. This I must see!

I left my eldest son in charge and immediately journeyed to the airport.

Upon arrival, I was amazed. Was not America the land of technology and progress? Did  they not celebrate cleanliness and hygiene? Why then, I wondered, would they allow their livestock to roam their airports? I saw numerous men guiding cattle around the terminals and food courts, and some were even allowing them to eat “fast food.” Upon closer inspection, praise Allah, I observed that these men had taught their livestock how to feed themselves with their hooves! They also clothed their cattle! What strangeness, here in America.

Not knowing how long I would be staying with Mohammed, I decided I would purchase a cow for myself. I would need a companion on my journey to witness American women’s obesity, and praise Allah, it could feed itself!

I walked up to the owner of the biggest cattle I could find, and inquired of its price. Much to my confusion, he and his livestock became incredibly angry with me! This was obviously a bazaar of sorts, why would this man be upset at me for inquiring? In an effort to calm them I tried to feed the cow some oats I had in my pocket while petting it. It began yelling at me! Praise Allah!

Both the man and his magical talking cattle pushed me away, and in utter confusion I did nothing. I could not believe my senses! What witchcraft! As they descended upon me, my friend Mohammed, praise Allah, appeared and intervened. He apologized for me and guided me away.

“Akbar,” he said, “this is not a livestock bazaar you fool! That was a woman! An American woman, you idiot!”

“Nonsense,” I replied, “I saw nothing but men in there. Come now, quit joking, let us go. Show me these women you spoke of in the letter.”

“Akbar!” Muhammed said, “Look closer! Do you not see? Look, I said!”

I stood back and allowed myself to focus. Praise Allah! These were women! The women Muhammed spoke of! With great shock, then amusement, and then sadness, I sat down. My mind raced. How could this be? How could they do this to themselves? How could a man be so desperate to marry such beasts? Was it possible they could even conceive? I lifted a prayer up to Allah. Muhammed sat next to me, and we spent the next hour in silence.

Finally, I spoke. “Muhammed, take me from here. There is nothing more to see. Allah forgive me, for I must have a drink.”

And thus, I was introduced to America.

“Make Sure It’s Corpulated”

I swear to Almighty Allah that this woman is the human incarnation of Shaytan (for you infidels, Shaytan is the Muslim Satan).

Only Shaytan can digest that ungodly creation without retching it from its corpulent bowels. If you, American woman, try to replicate her recipe (and I know many of you have because it has 800,000 infidel views and counting), you better believe that God will not so kindly bring it up during the Day of Judgment.

Now let’s purify ourselves with a verse from the Qur’an:

“The male shall have the equal of the portion of two females” (4:11)

There is no way the Prophet could have predicted, with all his infinite wisdom, that one day a single woman would have the girth of two.

A Prayer For Strength Against The Fat Satan

God is great to bring you, brother Muhammed V, down from the mountains of the District of Columbia to declare this holiest of jihads against the mighty inFATdel (the new American woman).

Our enemy is plump, numerous, and formidable. She fears no man, because she is nearly one herself. She has no shame and her appetites are insatiable. Her numbers—and size—grow every day, while our brothers’ diminish. She eats of the late-night pizza, drinks of the Starbucks milkshake, and indulges of the combo burrito with impunity. She displays the most brazen of fattitudes, an arrogance that men must accept her “as she is,” if he is to be a real man. She worships 24/7 before the idols of: texting, Facebook, and the Kardashian. She shears her hair, and proudly adorns herself with the Ugg Boot and the baggy sweat-pant.

Our valiant struggle will thus be great—and we may not triumph—but better to die under the weight of martyrdom than to live among the Fat Satan in this soiled, unholy land. We must do what we can to serve the will of God: to return the American woman to the road of thinness and femininity. God willing, we will succeed.

I join you in this intifada. We are but a few warriors taking a stand today. But tomorrow, Allah permitting, we will be millions.