A Message From Allah

What, praise be to Allah, brought on this porcine plague, this ever present bovine bestiality,  this acceptance of huge folds of fatty flesh, where rotundity is now the new normal, where finding a fold is all a warrior brother can expect out of an infidel  woman. How brothers, did we get here to this point where we are on the verge of our goal of conquering the American infidel to only be left with whale like women to make our polygamous wives?

Personally for me and with Allah’s guidance, I feel the Jihad to take over this country is going to have to wait for a while. We can’t as fanatic Muslim brothers take this country over and be left with the fat-ass women that these stupid Americans have allowed to grow fat beyond any boundaries of attractiveness. So, the course of our Jihad has to change for a while. Now we have to have a singular intifada to make sure that when we take over this country, there are no fat girls left. Allah commands that his holy warriors either have sex and sons with slender girls or become martyrs, where his goodness will reward them with 72 virgins. Thing is, Allah never tells us what these virgins will look like.

They have to look a lot better than what Haid D’Salaami is seeing here in America…Allah is Akbar, he will provide for his faithful warriors in the afterlife. And he told me personally in a vision what they will look like…

I wasn’t always the pious, fanatical Muslim warrior you see before you today. I was much like the majority of these spineless, soulless American men we see surrounding us. I took the same track that the godless infidel I used to be was expected to take. Good job, married, the white picket fence and a dog. But something happened shortly after I married what at the time was a lovely, slender young girl. Bodily expansion of my young wife started occurring almost immediately. I could see it happening daily, it was like she hooked up an air hose and added a few litres of air every day. Except this wasn’t air, it was increasing volumes of fat. A few years and eighty pounds later, I couldn’t stand anymore; I knew I had to get out and so I did. Even in my soulless, godless infidel state, I just couldn’t be seen with a fattie. Single life afterwards wasn’t much better, I was surrounded by land whales and if I did happen to cross paths with a slender girl, she was beset upon by doughy males like a young boy in a Pashtun village…

Then my world changed…I went to Europe…

Now your average European woman isn’t much different than your average American woman…except for the Muslim women. Europe has a sizeable Turkish population and the average one is slender and attractive. I know, I know they wear headscarves and voluminous robe type dresses for the most part, but believe me, those girls were HOT. Plus, they were deferential to their spouses, sweet natured and obviously took care of themselves.

After a month there, I started visiting mosques. During prayers one morning, I had an epiphany. It was like Allah himself visited my spirit and gave me a purpose. “Go back to the United States and tell your brothers that this fat epidemic must be eliminated. I have plans for that country and I will not tolerate an entire country populated with fat women. My warriors must be rewarded, and even though I am the great and merciful Allah, my eyes burn with the abomination that is the fat American woman.”

After an entire life filled with fat acceptance indoctrination, this message from Allah set my spirit to burning. The Jihad had to be waged until the porcine plague was eliminated or I was martyred in the holy endeavor…

As Allah is Akbar, as soon as I returned to the states, I found this site. A site with fellow warriors, all with a singular purpose, eradicate the fattie as the normal in this country or be martyred trying. So, what can we do? Actually a lot, number one, never ever be seen with one, number two, shame any woman that you know that has a bovine body shape and three, make fun of any woman that has excess corpulence during your daily business. And never, never, never date or have sex with one. That only tells the rest of the herd that it is possible to be fat as hell and still get laid.

There’s a very good command from Allah for that last reason. Remember I wrote earlier that Allah told me what our virgins would look like if we in our holy mission were martyred?  In the message that Allah sent me those many months ago during morning prayers, in his infinite wisdom, he told me “If you are martyred, your virgins will look a lot like the last woman you fucked”.

Allah is Akbar; take that warning very seriously…

A Letter From My Brother

I was at my small farm home in my village one day, tending my goats and watching my beautiful, skinny woman dance before me.  It was a glorious occasion, Allah be praised. Glorious until I received this letter from my brother, that is.

Mahboob,

Allahu Akbar.  May this letter find you in good health. I know it has not been long since I left you for America so that I could become a doctor, but I have troubling news.  It is the women here.  I first noticed something was wrong on my layover flight in New YorkOf course I grabbed a stewardess and demanded to know why a hippopotamus was being allowed air travel in the united states – as this breaks Allah’s holy law.  She informed me that this beast at which I was staring was not a hippopotamus, but was, in fact, an American woman.

I laughed bravely in her face, knowing such a thing could not be true.  I was wrong, my dearest Mahboob, I was so very wrong.  I could not believe my eyes, but I was staring at an actual American woman.  I thought, surely this was a one-off thing, they can’t all be this big.

They are all this big.

I am not sure what happened to my brother, as it has been months since I’ve heard from him.  There were jelly donut stains on the letter, and it stank of fattitude.  I have since sold my belongings, given up my goats, and packed my woman into checked luggage.  I shall go to America and fight this evil!  Provided the plane doesn’t crash from the ridiculous weight of the American women aboard it.

Occupy Fat Street

Earlier this year, my brothers began their struggle against the corruption and tyranny of Hosni Mubarak. Faced with punishments of torture and death, their jihad was one of the more successful efforts of the Arab Spring whose progress, although marred with much bloodshed and suffering, continues to this day.

I look back to my brothers as a source of inspiration for the American Winter I will share with my fellow Fat Girl Jihad Warriors, who have decided to protest until everlasting shame falls upon the obese American woman and her international sisters. Men need wives, as many as possible, and these wives must be fit, healthy, and attractive in order to bring more of Allah’s creation forth.

Therefore, I shall risk my reputation, my fortune, and possibly my green card so that America will no longer accept the crushing weight inside of its borders.

That’s why I call out to any man with a healthy libido — TO OCCUPY FAT STREET.

NO LONGER MUST MEN COVER THEIR EYES TO BLOCK OUT THE MONSTROSITY KNOWN AS THE AMERICAN WOMAN — either she must cover herself up in drab or perform strenuous cleaning duties in all of my chicken coops and fed only bread and water until her appearance becomes acceptable.

To accomplish this task, we must fight the infidels at their stronghold:

According to the Lancet, based upon the (utterly bogus) BMI, 68% of Americans are overweight or heavier. That’s more than two thirds! Imagine if all of these people had a new awareness. Imagine if all of these people (and their thin allies) began to see that fat wasn’t bad, that diets don’t work, that discrimination against fat people is wrong, and that people having a diversity of bodies is beautiful. Imagine the healing that could happen for all of us.

Behold, the demon who wrote such infectious nonsense:

Our enemy is formidable

If you have trouble fitting the blasphemer on your screen, I understand. Try increasing your resolution to 1600×1400 or more.

But this woman creature, and the millions like her it, are our God-sworn enemies. Satan’s spawn wish to do nothing but bring harm and misery to the world, so we must make our stand be known:

1. Only fat people are responsible for their fatness.
2. Fat people bring shame to everyone who is associated with them.
3. Improvement begins with the next meal, and workout.

Even though we may only be part of the 32% —

OUR WILL IS STRONG.
ALLAH IS WITH IS.
THE FAT GIRL JIHAD CANNOT BE DEFEATED!

The Wildebeest Cometh: Part 1

Salaam aleikum, gentle readers of Fat Girl Jihad. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am A. Dhirmal Akbar. Several years ago, I discovered the glory and truth of the teachings of Islam, and gave myself to Allah, the most merciful.

A lifetime ago, I was a regular American boy. A corn-fed, God-fearing, hard-working, stop-sign-shootin’ patriot. I loved my country, I went to Church on Sunday, and I had big plans to take over my daddy’s thresher parts and accessories shop, raise a family, and live a good Christian life.

My teachers in school told me I had a good head on my shoulders though, and they wanted me to go to college. Hot-damn! I was the first in my family to ever educate myself past high school. I still wanted to keep my promise to my daddy, and to God, to take over the thresher parts and accessories store. I enrolled in a program that would help me turn daddy’s shop into raging success – Business Administration in Washington DC, and then did an MBA in Toronto, Ontario. I was so excited, to head to these big cities where surely many beautiful and worthy potential wives would live. But alas, it was a trap!

Once I arrived in Washington, I realized something had gone horribly wrong. Everywhere I looked, the women were beastly. Great, voluminous creatures bedecked with layered rolls and cellulite; muffin tops and upper-arm jiggles; more chins than a Chinaman with a stutter; and worst of all, these women had no idea what their true proportions were.

Later, I would come to understand that they had been tricked by The Great Satan into perceiving themselves slimmer than they were. As Muslims we must abhor Satan, but we must never forget his strength and cunning! Somehow, despite:

  • Regularly getting stuck in escalators,
  • Having to use four scales, one for each limb, to weigh themselves,
  • Blood-cholesterol test results that simply read “butter,”
  • Knowing that if they ever signed up for an MMA fight, they would be competing in the same weight class as Brock Lesnar and Kimbo Slice

These physically abundant women did not know how large they were!

The Great Satan had deceived them into perceiving themselves as slim, attractive and feminine. Such wily tricks! Though they resembled walruses coated with flesh-colored cottage cheese, the women comported themselves with a haughty masculinity that would have cowed Genghis Khan.

Such a shock this was, to my young mind. The world I had believed in was a lie. My dreams had been shattered. But though it seemed a tragedy, it was truly a blessing in disguise, for this was my first step along the path towards the righteous, the glorious, the merciful Allah.

To be continued…

Purge The Infidels, Stop The Infection!

You have a holy duty to your fellow brothers, humanity, and Allah to purge the rotund infidels from our society, for they spread like cancer!  There are many vices in the world, like excessive usage of drugs and prostitutes, but those acts in and of themselves do not have a negative effect on anyone else but the partakers, this is not true with being a fat sow!

They will tell you as they ironically shove strips of unclean pig flesh into their porcine mouths, that being fat is a choice, and that it is theirs to make and that they aren’t hurting you, but like all deceivers they lie!  Their fat seeps into those around them, infecting them like a virus.  Their “vice” is now a burden on not only them, but all those who associate with them!  With the devil’s home of McDonalds on every corner, this spread could be exponential!

We wage Jihad, Holy War, for the good of all mankind.  We must snuff them out as to not damn our civilization to a  gluttonous and cellulite laden downfall!  They will connive their way in with false acceptance and while your back is turned they will slit your throat and pour in Doritos and Bud Lite!  They are the devil in the disguise, fooling the world that they do not exist, but we are the enlightened ones, and Allah gives us vision, and strength to fight back!

Many will ask why, why do we wage this war.  Why do we sacrifice ourselves on the front lines to fight?!  We fight for our children, for your children, and all those would come after us.  Do not let the infestation spread!  Shame the infidels!  Purge the infidels!  Keep our world beautiful and thin!

Khuda hafiz!

Declaration Of Holy War

Today I declare motherfuckin’ jihad on fat American women. Here is an excerpt from our press release:

DECLARATION OF HOLY WAR

AGAINST FAT AMERICAN WOMEN OCCUPYING AMERICA

(EXPEL DISGUSTING FAT FROM THE LAND OF THE FREE)

A MESSAGE FROM MUHAMMAD V, ORIGINALLY FROM A QUIET WASHINGTON DC SUBURB TO HIS MUSLIM BRETHREN ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT GENERALLY AROUND LARGE CITIES IN THE UNITED STATES WHERE THERE ARE MANY BARS, CLUBS, AND HIPSTER COFFEE SHOPS

It’s definitely on now. This Holy War will not end until the obesity epidemic ends. My brothers will not lay down their insults until American women lose the weight, grow their hair out, and put on a god damn pair of high heels.

Fat American woman: fear God wherever you may dine on Chipotle or TGI Fridays. Our foot soldiers are aware of your weight problem and will shame you into being thin once again. God will only protect you once you get down to a normal BMI as determined by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Feel free to just stop eating completely until you get to the desired weight.

P.S. God is great