Suicide by cookies, only in Great Satan America! Why, Allah, do you create such sickness in human beings!
Being a devout Muslim, I do not celebrate heathen holidays like Christmas. Nonetheless, as a man of good taste, I enjoy music from all corners of the globe… except when fat girls are singing:
A heffalump lies in on a tacky couch like a cow on the slaughterhouse conveyor belt, wobbling her stomach rolls as if she were a stripper working the pole. God strike me down now. Her singing talent is perfectly matched to her physical fitness — she’s off-key, can’t stay in time, and can’t carry a tune to save her inFATdel life.
Remembering my holy duty, I left this comment on the video under the handle “Betawulf”:
LMAO at this oinker, let’s play Spot the Cliches:
Endless stomach rolls
Horrible off-key singing
All you’re missing is a plate of donuts to snack on.
As of this writing, she has yet to approve my truthful words. Her fat girl ego must be crushed. This is a perfect opportunity, my brothers — swarm BBW Little Lin’s video and downvote her into oblivion. Bring God’s wrath upon the blasphemers!
I swear to Almighty Allah that this woman is the human incarnation of Shaytan (for you infidels, Shaytan is the Muslim Satan).
Now let’s purify ourselves with a verse from the Qur’an:
“The male shall have the equal of the portion of two females” (4:11)
There is no way the Prophet could have predicted, with all his infinite wisdom, that one day a single woman would have the girth of two.